


Fix Me

by Kai_Smol_Trashlord



Category: Persona 3, Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Leaving Home, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Polyamory, Rating May Change, Running Away, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-29 17:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13931661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kai_Smol_Trashlord/pseuds/Kai_Smol_Trashlord
Summary: For a moment, just a single moment, Hamuko wishes that Akihiko would burst through the doors and convince her to stay. He’d tell her he could help, all of them could. He’d hold her and make her stay and do the best he could to help her recover, but she can’t do that to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing Persona 3/4 fan fiction so excuse me if anyone is out of character!

Midnight is a strange time of night, Hamuko thinks to herself as she goes about her business. She tries so hard to stay as quiet as possible as she zips up the suitcase, careful not to wake him. She knows this is wrong. It’s wrong to leave like this; no words spoken and no letter or note for him to find. She shouldn’t be leaving this way. She shouldn’t be leaving at all, but she can’t live this way anymore. Pretending that it’s all okay and that she’s fine when her head is like an empty, abandoned old house gathering dust and cobwebs isn’t something she can handle anymore. Her head is devoid of the familiar voices and beings that had lived inside her head for almost a year and the loneliness now is far too much. She wants to reach out to her Personas and bring them back but they’re locked away tight, out of reach. Orpheus lingers the closest, yet still he is too far away for her to grasp onto. 

Akihiko stirs in his sleep and Hamuko freezes. She waits a minute. Two minutes. She moves again after three when she’s sure her boyfriend is still sleeping, unaware of his loved one’s cowardly exit. Her things are packed and she has to force her feet to move as she silently hauls the suitcase out of the bedroom they shared. The silver-haired boy had insisted they share a room so he could be with her during her nightmares and restless nights. Hamuko had loved it at the time. Now it just serves as a reminder of the pain and suffering she’s caused him and the rest of their friends since she came back to them all. She has to go. She has to go and not look back. They’ll move on, she tells herself mentally as she creeps down the hallway and towards the stairs that lead down to the first floor lobby of the building.

It’s a struggle to get her belongings down the stairs, but she musters up the strength as she lifts the suitcase whilst descending to where her chauffeur awaits. Perhaps chauffeur isn’t the correct word. Shinjiro wouldn’t be impressed with the title of chauffeur. No, he’s her companion. Her best friend, and Akihiko’s too. She doesn’t know why he agreed to help her disappear, but he waits patiently for her at the bottom of the stairs and carefully takes the suitcase off her. His eyes aren’t very visible in the dim light of the lobby, but Hamuko doesn’t need to look into them to see the disapproval. 

“It’s not too late to change your mind.” The brunet boy’s voice is soft but firm. They both know he doesn’t want her to leave as much as any of the others do. However, it’s not his decision. It’s not anyone else’s either, only hers. Shinji understands that. The brunette is beyond grateful. 

A sad smile graces her features. “I can’t stay here. Not anymore,” she murmurs, her words almost a whisper. Her companion doesn’t say anything more to try to dissuade her or make her rethink her choice. Shinjiro just nods his head and leads the way out into the cool night air. The nights of March so far had been cool like this and they also reminded Hamuko of what she was leaving behind. Never again was she going to stand outside the dorm building and feel the breeze caressing her skin like this. She's going to miss Iwatodai and her friends and the love she shared with Akihiko. However, this is the only way that she’ll recover and improve enough that she can live a normal life without the whispers and words her many Personas would utter inside her head. 

For a moment, just a single moment, Hamuko wishes that Akihiko would burst through the doors and convince her to stay. He’d tell her he could help, all of them could. He’d hold her and make her stay and do the best he could to help her recover, but she can’t do that to him. So, she thinks to herself, it’s a relief that her boyfriend hasn’t woken up or tried to stop her from leaving everyone behind. Her relief still hasn’t subsided by the time she’s in the passenger seat of the car Shinji has ‘borrowed’. It smells of cigarette smoke and cheap booze, but Hamuko can’t complain. The fact her senpai is even helping her in the first place is enough. She doesn’t even care about the car, not really. As long as he takes her away from here, she doesn’t care about the car or the smell or the tears threatening to leak from her eyes as she stares up at the dorm one last time from behind the car window. 

Shinjiro slams shut the boot of the car and the brunette wipes away her unshed tears as the older boy practically folds himself into the driver’s seat. He closes the door too loudly for her liking, but she remains silent as the two of them buckle their seatbelts and the ignition growls into action. She forces herself to tear her gaze away from her old home and faces forward as Shinji pulls away from the curb. She plants a fake, empty smile on her face and tries to think of the freedom she has now as they gradually drive further and further away from the dorm. 

Freedom….

This is what she wants, right? She wants to leave so she has the freedom to recover alone and find the normality she needs. So why does it hurt? Why does it hurt so damn much to know she’s getting further and further away from the life she’d lived for the past year? It feels as if her heart is breaking and when she closes her eyes she can picture the way Akihiko will panic when he awakes tomorrow. She can picture the way Junpei will lose his shit when he finds out one of his closest friends has disappeared. The way Yukari demands that they go bring her back at once and Fuuka uses Juno to search everywhere possible for her only to be met with no results. Ken would blame Shinjiro for her leaving because Shinjiro wouldn’t keep it a secret. Not from Akihiko or the friends that welcomed him back with open arms when he came out of his coma. Koromaru maybe wouldn’t understand as well as the others that she’s gone for good and that hurts almost as much as thinking he would understand fully. Mitsuru would be left to try and hold everyone together and Aigis… 

Hamuko shakes away the thoughts of those she’s abandoning with her selfish actions and blinks in surprise when Shinji’s coat is thrust into her lap. She glances at him, confused. 

“You should get some sleep. It’ll be a while before we get there.” He doesn’t look away from the road once and Hamuko thanks him quietly before covering herself with her best friend’s coat and leaning back in the seat. Breathing in gently, her eyes close and she can’t help but smell his jacket. The scent is distinctly Shinji; cookies and vague hints of dog fur and cologne. He’d baked cookies for everyone at the dorm today and the scent was still lingering. It smells of home and it comforts her, lulling her to sleep as Shinji drives silently through the darkened streets. 

When Hamuko startles herself awake, the sky is still dark. There’s an ache in her neck and she’s uncomfortably warm under Shinjiro’s coat but she doesn’t bother to uncover herself. The lamps outside illuminate the way and she can make out the familiar scenery of Yasoinaba. She’s only been here once for a volleyball tournament with Rio and the girls last summer, but she still recognises the countryside. She’s unsure of how much time has passed, but she knows that she must have slept for the majority of the journey because her senpai begins to slow the car to a stop as they pull up outside a small one storey house. Lamplight illuminates the simple home that Hamuko will be inhabiting from now on and, despite the guilt and sadness she feels, she can’t help but smile genuinely for the first time that night. 

Shinjiro turns off the ignition and removes the key as he turns his head to look at Hamuko. She offers him his coat and unbuckles the seatbelt, rolling her neck to get rid of the aching that’s beginning to annoy her. 

“Mind if I crash on the sofa for tonight? It’s too late for me to drive home without falling asleep at the wheel,” he asks. It’s an innocent enough request and, after everything he’s done for her, she can’t turn him away. 

“There should be a spare blanket in my suitcase you can borrow,” she says. “I can get you a pillow from the bedroom if you need one.” 

Shinjiro nods. “Thanks.” 

The two of them climb out of the car and the brunette girl retrieves her suitcase from the boot of the car before shutting it, trying not to wake her new neighbours. It would have been more ideal to move in during the day but she couldn’t risk Akihiko or the others seeing her leave. Nighttime was less risky, and it gave them less chance of tracking her down because they would have no idea where she had fled to. She’s confident that Shinjiro will at least keep that part a secret for her. 

Making sure no-one is watching them, the brunet takes the key out of his pocket and unlocks the front door. He holds it open while Hamuko enters, suitcase in tow, then closes it behind them once they’re both inside. The former switches the light on in the hallway and neither of them say a word as the wander into the living room. They’re too tired to make proper conversation and too careful not to bring up the obvious. 

Hamuko Arisato is a broken mess and she’s just abandoned the only family she’s ever known.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s 2011 and everything is okay. Really, it’s all just fine. That’s the only thing Akihiko can think to say anymore when Mitsuru or one of the others ask him if he’s okay. He puts on a smile and he’s had so much practice now that sometimes he believes the lie himself. If he tries hard enough, he can even give a little chuckle or a laugh as if he really is just fine and his world hasn’t collapsed around him. 

The truth is painful, he decides. Waking up in a cold, empty bed hadn’t seemed out of the ordinary when he woke up that fateful morning in March. Hamuko sometimes didn’t sleep and so she would spend the night in the lobby downstairs so as not to stir the silver-haired boy from his sleep. He’d gotten dressed with no suspicions or worries, not a care in the world. He’d even thought about what kind of pancakes he should get Shinji to make for his girlfriend in the hopes of putting a smile back on her beautiful face. The emptiness of the wardrobe had struck him as peculiar, but they were moving out of the dorm soon anyway; Akihiko was going to college and he had convinced the brunette to move in with him seeing as the college dorm wasn’t too far from Iwatodai. 

Only upon finding Hamuko wasn’t in the kitchen, the lobby, or even in the dorm bathrooms that he panicked. He looked for Shinji but he wasn’t anywhere to be found either. His breath was hitching in his throat and his heart was pounding. He knew he shouldn’t panic, not when they were probably out looking for something for breakfast, but he can’t help it. He feels sick and he wants to throw up and he wants to tear the dorm down to find his girlfriend because now the emptiness of the wardrobe and the cold of the bed and the absence of his beloved are starting to add up. 

Akihiko pushes the memory away and forces himself to get ready to meet up with Mitsuru for breakfast. There’s no point going through such a painful memory in his head for the thousandth time since she’d left him like that. He hadn’t given up hope that they’d find her, even after a year and a month has passed since she vanished off the face of the earth with his - their - best friend. He still has confidence that if anyone can track her down and bring her back to where she belongs, it’s the team formerly known as SEES. They have Fuuka on their side and a dog with an impeccable sense of smell. All they have to do is get an idea of Hamuko’s location and then they can send in Koromaru to sniff her out and charm her enough to make her return to him. To them. Mitsuru is bound to have found something by now. That must be why she’s asked to meet him for breakfast; there’s no other possibility. 

You shield yourself from the obvious possibility that stands before you, Caesar states matter-of-factly and Akihiko winces. He won’t accept anything less than cooperation from Mitsuru. She will help him get Hamuko back. She has to. Maybe the others would give up, but not her. Mitsuru isn’t one to give up, especially not when they’re so close to a breakthrough. He knows they’ll find her. He can feel it in his bones. 

Akihiko steps into the cafe in Paulownia Mall and he spots his friend straight away. She waves him over but her expression is grim. There’s something wrong but he won’t let it hinder the search. He can’t give up on finding his precious Hamuko after she technically died to save them all. The redhead doesn’t say anything when he takes a seat opposite her but he doesn’t let it bother him. It’ll just be something minor. Something they can overcome before they locate her and go get her. 

Mitsuru orders two coffees before she finally speaks to him. “Akihiko… there is no easy way to say this, but I’m withdrawing my support.” Her voice is empty. She doesn’t want to give up, he knows she doesn’t. She’s just having doubts, that’s all. He knows that she doesn’t mean what she says. 

“We’re closing in on her, Mitsuru. We can’t-” 

“No, Akihiko,” she interrupts him, her voice cold and stern. Her eyes and her expression have turned just as icy as her tone of voice and he knows now that she does mean it. She’s given up on him. She’s given up on her and it pisses him off. 

Leaning forward, he lowers his voice. “There must be something you can do. We can’t just abandon her like this. She deserves more than that after what she did for us.” Mitsuru laughs humorlessly and now she’s leaning forward, her eyes flashing with something akin to anger and hurt. 

“Abandon her? You mean like how she abandoned you and ran away with your best friend? How she abandoned all of us and left no apologies or explanations? She could be dead for all we know with how unstable she is. You would have us continue to search for someone who clearly had no intentions of letting us find her or make sure she’s even still breathing?” The malice in his friend’s voice is like a slap across the face. It hurts just hearing the redhead remind him that his girlfriend had fled without leaving anything behind. His immediate reaction is outrage at the way she would throw this at him knowing it would hit him where it hurts the most. He wants to grab her by the shirt and shake her and convince her that she’s wrong. Hamuko must be out there. She wouldn’t desert him and leave him to pick up the pieces of the heart she’d shattered into tiny pieces. 

“She… I can’t…” he chokes out through gritted teeth and his fists are clenched. Shoulders sagging, Mitsuru leans back slightly with a heavy sigh. She won’t look the boy in the eyes and Akihiko feels like yelling at her to face him. He can see that she regrets her words. She wanted to find Hamuko just as much as he does, but the fight has left her now. She’s tired and she can’t keep doing this on top of running a company and trying to handle a relationship. 

The silence is deafening. Akihiko can feel the disappointment and desperation all at once as he tries and fails to think of a way to convince Mitsuru to keep helping him at least for a little longer. He refuses to let Hamuko go like this. He can’t move on from her, even when she’s gone and hasn’t shown any signs of coming back. He misses Hamuko so much and he would do anything to see her again or even just hear her voice. He wants her back and it’s agony trying to even consider moving on. 

Their coffee arrives. Mitsuru takes a sip. “It’s been over a year,” she begins, placing her cup down on the table. “I know how you feel, but she obviously left with the intention of not being found. If she took Shinjiro with her, that can only mean that he’s agreed to keep her hidden and possibly keep himself hidden too. They both seemingly died and came back to life. The trauma they must be suffering… I can understand why they would want to leave.” 

Akihiko doesn’t answer. He just sips the hot beverage that’s been placed in front of him and stares out of the window. Hamuko doesn’t want to be found? He has to admit that it makes sense. Dying and then coming back Persona-less would take its toll on anyone, even someone as strong as her. Her nightmares made her violent when she was asleep, often lashing out at him as she thrashed about and yelled and begged for it all to end. They often resulted in Akihiko having to straddle and restrain her until she woke up and then the brunette would break down and the older boy would hold her in his arms to comfort her until she finally calmed down. It broke Akihiko’s heart each time to see her suffer and know that there was nothing he could do to stop the nightmares from happening. 

The tinkle tonk of Mitsuru’s ringtone break the silence. The redhead answers, placing the phone against her ear as she runs her thumb along the rim of her coffee cup. Akihiko takes a sip of his own coffee and swallows. It’s bitter, but he doesn’t care. 

“Mitsuru speaking.” There’s a beat of silence before her eyes widen in surprise. Her lips are slightly apart and her eyes are blank. No words are spoken. She offers Akihiko the phone and he places it against his own ear, uncertain and cautious. 

“...Hello?” he says, more questioning than greeting. The voice on the other end of the phone almost gives him a heart attack and he chokes on the words he wants to say. 

“It’s Shinji. There’s something you need to know.” 

~*~

Hamuko first meets Yu Narukami when he steps inside the cafe Shinji bought with his life savings not long after they arrived last year. The boy looks like a second year, his uniform that of Yasogami High. From what little she knows from that Hanamura kid that frequents the cafe, Yu is a transfer student from the big city and he’s currently living with his uncle, detective Dojima. He’s only here for the year while his parents work overseas but she senses something in him when she approaches his table to take an order. Hanamura is sat with him and a girl she knows as Chie Satonaka. The girl is talking about the Amagi girl that went missing and Hamuko learns that they’re best friends as she arrives at the table. 

“What would you guys like to order?” she inquires, her notepad at the ready and a smile fixed to her face. Yu looks up at her and she has to stop herself from gasping in shock. His silvery hair and grey eyes are reminiscent of Akihiko apart from his hair being a little longer than the latter’s. She senses the power in him that comes from a Persona user and she has to swallow down the bile that rises up her throat. This boy… this poor boy has been chosen to suffer. He feels so similar to the way she did when she had her Personas so there’s no way she’s mistaking it. 

Igor has chosen him. 

“Are you okay?” 

Hamuko composes herself. “Ah, sorry about that! You just reminded me of someone! So, what can I get you all?” She smiles again and makes an effort to try and look genuinely happy. She takes their orders, bowing, before she retreats to the kitchen. She finally breaks down, keeping as quiet as she can do Shinji doesn't hear her. She feels so many mixed emotions about the one Igor has chosen to replace her. She feels jealous that he can summon the Personas she once had. She feels angry that Igor could endanger another child after the way he endangered her. She feels scared for that boy and the death that could await him if it all goes wrong. But most of all, she feels like running into Akihiko's arms. She has no idea what to do or who to turn to.

Shinjiro walks in at that moment and he approaches Hamuko calmly, embracing her. She hugs him back and whilst it's not like hugging Akihiko it's certainly comforting to her. He let's her cry, doesn't question her. She squeezes her eyes shut and tries not to cry even more as she realises what a new Persona user must mean for her and for the one Igor has selected. There's a new threat and she has to do something about it before someone else dies.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s April 30th and the Amagi girl has been found. She sits in the cafe with Yu, Chie, and Yosuke. Shinjiro knows there’s something going on with the four of them; something not normal. He’d put it down to them being teenagers going through that stage in life where they’re more interested in themselves and their friends than school or family but he knows that can’t be it. These are good kids, better than he was at their age. There’s something bugging him and he knows it has something to do with why Hamuko has started hiding in the back whenever they come into the cafe, which happens to be a frequent occurrence now. Ever since her unexplained breakdown in the kitchen that day she’s been trying to keep her distance from this group. More specifically, from Yu Narukami. 

The teens are conversing in hushed tones and Amagi keeps looking over at him a little sheepishly before returning her attention to her friends. It’s something they’re trying to keep a secret, and secrets half the time can only mean trouble. 

Shinji will not allow trouble to darken Hamuko’s doorstep again. 

He waits until the kids start to leave and makes his move. “Amagi, right?” He steps in front of the dark haired girl and she looks straight up at him, her expression giving away nothing. 

“Can I help you? If you’re inquiring about openings at the inn, you would be better off speaking to my mother than me,” she informs him. She’s good at covering for herself. He won’t allow her to leave until her cover is gone, however. He will do whatever he can to protect her from the trouble these kids could be bringing to their cafe. To their home. He owes it both to Hamuko and to Aki to make sure she doesn’t go through anything that could hinder her recovery and he can’t stand to see her get hurt again. 

Shinjiro tightens his ponytail as he sits on the edge of a table. “I don’t know what kids do these days, but if you’re going to be putting the cafe and our patrons at risk then I’m afraid I can’t allow you to return here again.” His tone is even. He can see the young girl in front of him thinking about what to say next before she ducks her head and avoids his gaze. 

“I-it’s nothing like that, really. What would give you the idea that we’re up to no good?” she responds, frowning. She reminds the brunet of Fuuka somewhat and he feels himself soften slightly. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions, but he can’t risk Hamuko being dragged into something that could kill her for good this time. He won’t lose his best friend again. Seeing her dead and then rushing to try to bring her back to life had almost put an end to him there and then. Whilst he knows his life will inevitably end soon, he mustn’t let her die yet. He’ll spend the rest of his life making sure she recovers and returns to the others in a healthy state of mind. 

The door to the cafe opens and shuts. Neither of them move, even when the guest speaks up. Shinji doesn’t really listen to what’s being said, instead trying to weigh up his options. He can’t interrogate Amagi while there are patrons here but making her stay behind until after they close up the cafe would draw unwanted attention to himself and Hamuko. As badly as he needs to know what those teenagers are up to, he has to put Hamuko first and follow her wishes. That means, whether he likes it or not, he has to let the girl go and try again some other time. 

“Go on, get out of here,” he sighs. “Your friends are probably waiting for you.” The dark girl bows low before making a hasty exit out of the cafe to where her friends are indeed waiting. He goes to shut the door but not before he catches part of their conversation. 

“Did you tell him about the TV world? Our Personas?” Yosuke questions her as if no-one else is around. Shinji pretends he heard nothing as he finally closes the door, but the doesn’t let those words escape his mind. He was definitely right to call Akihiko and tell him about where he was stationed if what he heard was correct. 

And if those children really did have personas, Shinji was going to have his work cut out for him. Protecting Hamuko has just become his number one priority above all else. 

~*~

Junes is bright and cheerful as always. The theme song plays from the speakers all over the mall and she finds herself wandering into the electronics section of the store, inspecting all the flashy TVs she could never hope to afford. Shinji always did like watching his cooking shows in high definition, though. His eyes would light up when his favourite cooking programme came on and he would take notes in his little notepad for whenever he wanted to try a new technique or new dish. Maybe a new TV wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. It would have to be a cheap one, though. She doesn’t earn enough to be able to afford the flashiest and latest models, but an older model should be affordable enough, right? Besides, maybe Shinjiro would lend her some of the money. 

The living situation with Shinjiro had changed over time. At first, he was just going to sleep on the couch for the night then return home to the others. However, for whatever reason, Shinji had decided he was going to stay for a short while until the brunette was settled in her new home. Time had passed and eventually Shinji became a permanent resident of the household. He used the room that was originally going to be a study and since then there had been no talk of him moving out or leaving. Shinji was actually a pretty good housemate. 

Hamuko’s thoughts on her housemate are interrupted by the sounds of Yu and his friends approaching. Sensing the sickening feeling of the boy carrying all those Personas inside him, she quickly pulls up the hood on the coat she borrowed from Shinji and moves away to a different part of the electronics department where she can keep an eye on them without being detected. She’s just close enough to be able to hear them but far away enough for them not to spot her. 

“We just have to wait for the next victim to show up on the midnight channel, right? So why are we going into the TV world now? There’ll be nobody in there other than Teddie,” Yosuke quizzes as the four of them approach a large flat screen TV. None of them care to look around for anyone nearby who could be listening in on them. Putting on a pair of glasses, the four of them line up as if ready to enter… something. Hamuko isn’t sure what’s going on, but the fact Yu is here means it has to be connected to why he’s a Persona user. And if those three are here with him too, that must mean they’ve also gained Personas in the past month since the young boy came to this sleepy town. 

The boy in question turns to Yosuke. “We need to keep training in the TV world. The next victim could be in a worse place than where Yukiko ended up, which means we need to be prepared. Ideally, preventing anyone else from being thrown in there would be preferable. However, we should be prepared just in case,” he explains. Hamuko grinds her teeth and she can feel her fingernails digging into the soft flesh of her palms. She can’t go running into trouble head first like she used to. She’s out of practice and it’s none of her business now that she doesn’t even have a Persona, but she can’t stand by while innocent kids put their lives in danger as pawns of Igor’s stupid game. 

The four friends are talking and Hamuko can’t stop her feet from moving. She’s heading towards them and pulling her hood down now, ready to tell them to stop. They need to forget about their Personas and whatever mess they’ve gotten themselves caught up in. She’s behind them now and she opens her mouth to speak when- 

“Hamuko-chan? What are you doing here?” 

The other three turn around at the sound of Yukiko talking to the brunette and the panic on Yosuke and Chie’s faces gives away the fact they’re up to no good. Yu keeps up his poker face and she could almost believe the boy has nothing to do with this if she hadn’t sensed his power or heard their conversation just now. She has to speak up now. She needs to send them home and back to their normal lives. 

“Why are you here? Why are you-” she begins before she’s cut off. 

“Listen,” Yu starts, “whatever you heard you should just forget about. This isn’t anything to do with you.” They’re the exact words she would have said to him. Personas and fighting Shadows shouldn’t be the business of a child. Yu is going to die if he doesn’t stop now, she’s sure of it. He’ll die like she did and then his life will be in tatters like hers too. 

Hamuko hesitates and that’s enough for Yu to turn away and literally stick his hand inside the TV. The screen glows white and for a moment Hamuko is mesmerised. The moment passes, quickly, however, when the teens climb into the TV and disappear. 

The brunette pauses. The world of Personas and fighting is behind her now. She has no Persona or weapon to fight with so she should just walk away. At least those four have Personas they can protect themselves with. They look like they know what they’re doing, but deep down Hamuko can’t let them go through with this. She braces herself and takes a deep breath. She brushes her long hair out of her face, not bothering to pull it back into a ponytail like she used to. She looks at the time, praying Shinji doesn’t come looking for her, and makes the leap of faith as she too enters the TV. 

When Hamuko lands, she lands hard. It hurts but it’s a bearable kind of pain. Getting up, she’s confronted by a thick fog that she can only barely see through. She just about makes out the outlines of the others, and runs towards them. The closer she gets, the more she can see until she finally stops and they turn to her in shock. They clearly weren’t expectingt her to chase after them. They underestimated her meddling. 

“H-how’d you get in here?” Chie stammers. Hamuko focuses on Yu, knowing it has something to do with him. Him gaining the same ability she once had and this TV world suddenly appearing can’t be a coincidence. For whatever reason, his fate is tied to this world. 

Hamuko folds her arms. “I want an explanation. From the beginning. If I think I’m being lied to, I’ll summon my Persona myself and punish you.” It’s an empty threat, of course. She couldn’t summon a Persona even if she wanted to. She’s useless in this world, but she doesn’t have to let them know that. If using scare tactics to get the information she wanted from these kids made her a bad person, she didn’t care. She’s not leaving until she knows that they won’t put themselves in anymore danger. She won’t let more children die the way she did. 

Yu hesitantly launches into the story of how he’d discovered his Persona and how he, Yosuke, and Chie first discovered the world they were currently in now. He tells her about the two murders that had occured at the start of the year, something she already knew about, and how they had been caused by the world inside the TV. She can sense him holding information back and her instincts tell her that it’s information concerning Igor. He can’t talk to others about him, much like how she was unable to back when she had her Personas to. When Yu finishes telling her everything he’s entitled to sharing, she finds herself torn. He’s not doing this because Igor has asked him to; he’s doing it to protect his friends and stop any murders happening again. How is she supposed to argue against that when it concerns his friends and his family? She understands all too well the feeling of needing to keep those one cares about safe. She’d been in a similar position to him two years ago. 

“...You could die if you continue down this path,” the brunette murmurs, looking away from the four of them and into the thick fog. The feeling of dying and her life fading away makes her want to be sick, so she forces herself to push it to the back of her mind. 

“If dying means I’ll find the truth and keep my friends safe, I would happily die for the cause.” The determination and resolve in his voice is frightening and Hamuko is forced to look at him again. She knows he means what he says and she now knows she has no other choice. There’s nothing else she can do apart from this. 

She looks Yu in the eyes and keeps her voice steady. She’ll regret this decision later when she’s at home and having flashbacks of her the blood and violence and death she both witnessed and participated in back in Iwatodai. Shinji may never forgive her when he finds out what she’s doing, but she’ll deal with that when the hurdle arises. For now, she has just one thing to say to the boy stood before her. 

“Let me help.”


	4. Chapter 4

He’s pacing in his room as he tries yet again to fully process the fact Shinji had called him. Well, he’d called Mitsuru’s phone but with the intention of speaking to Akihiko. After more than a year of knowing nothing about where Hamuko or his best friend had gone, the latter had called out of the blue just to tell him where he’s living at the moment. It doesn’t make sense, Akihiko thinks. There’s something about it that seems strange. Why, after more than a year of silence, would the brunet tell him his location? There must be a good reason for him to so easily reveal where he is whilst knowing that the silver-haired boy would want to find him and make him explain himself. 

Akihiko catches sight of his most treasured photograph of Hamuko from the corner of his eye and stops pacing momentarily. It’s a picture of him and Hamuko when they first started dating. Her hair is pulled back into her signature ponytail, hair pins glinting in the sunlight near the gates of Gekkoukan high. There are strands of his girlfriend’s hair that are out of place and her cheeks and nose are pink from the cold of the October weather. Akihiko’s own hair has been ruffled and he remembers why with a fond smile. Hamuko had mussed up his hair just before the picture to tease him which had resulted in him doing the same to her hair which was why her hair is also out of place the way it is. They’re standing close together and Hamuko’s nose is pressed against his cheek as the two of them smile, carefree and in love. Their eyes are trained on the lens of the camera that the brunette had brought along just to take pictures of her “most treasured memories”. He didn’t know at the time what that meant, but now he looks at that photo and he understands. It’s a memory he treasures and holds close to his heart. Everything was so much easier back then… 

His eyes move to the knit scarf on his bed and it brings a warmth to his chest. It’s the scarf that Hamuko had made specially for him with Bebe then gave to him for Christmas. At the time, he’d said it was too cute but that he would wear it for her anyway. The way his girlfriend’s eyes had lit up was the greatest reward and the kiss they’d shared afterwards made his heart beat fast in his chest. He remembers all of their kisses and all the gifts she’s given him. Most of them were food, but he still has the little knit bunny she made for him when they were still getting to know each other. He loves that cute little bunny; it reminds him of Hamuko with its orange bow atop its head and the red buttons for eyes. 

Thinking about the gifts Hamuko gave him before she died and came back to life makes his smile falter somewhat. She put so much love and care into all of those gifts, and still she abandoned him. He’s convinced it’s something he did that made her leave the way she did and it’s that thought that keeps him determined to find her and try to make things right. He can’t allow things to end without a fight. Whatever he’s done, he will right it and he’ll bring Hamuko back home where she belongs. 

There’s a knock at the door. “Akihiko? Can I come in?” Mitsuru’s voice emanates from the other side of the door. Even if he says no, he knows she won’t leave him alone. He sighs and lets her in, holding the door open for her. She’s dressed in her business suit, her pulled up into a high ponytail. She must have just left her meeting with the rest of the Kirijo group. 

“What’s up?” he asks, although right now he doesn’t really want to know. He wants to be left alone so he can think and decide on when he’s going to pay Shinji a visit. 

The redhead shifts uneasily on her feet. “Listen, about this morning…” She pauses. “I’m sorry for how harsh I was. I know finding Hamuko is your priority at the moment, but the company can’t afford to keep forking out money to look for someone who’s virtually undetectable at this point. We both know that-” 

Akihiko holds his hand up. He doesn’t want to have this conversation again today. His girlfriend is the most important woman in his life and she’s missing. If she were dead then at least he would know that there’s nothing he can do to bring her back and make it up to her for whatever he’s done to drive her away. With her alive but no known location, he has no idea what he should or can do. He wants to look for her and bring her home. He wants to convince her to come back to him. 

He feels Mitsuru’s pitying gaze on him and he starts to get angry. He doesn’t want her damn pity or her sympathy or even her apologies. He wants her help and he wants to hold Hamuko again and tell her how much he loves her even after more than a year apart. He wants to run his hands through her hair and press his lips against hers once more and ask her about her day. He wants to ask her about every day that she’s been away and he wants to do anything he can to help her get back to normality. 

“Shinjiro hasn’t tried to contact me since this morning,” the redhead informs him. Akihiko doesn’t respond. She sighs when she realises the silver-haired boy doesn’t want to talk anymore and she gives him a brief hug before she leaves. The door clicks shut behind her and Akihiko collapses onto his mattress. Closing his eyes, he grabs the bunny Hamuko knit for him and he hugs it as he tries not to cry. 

~*~

When Hamuko comes home from shopping at Junes, Shinji rushes forward to stop her from falling to her knees. She looks exhausted and like she’s not really there mentally. The brunette hasn’t brought much home, but she’s still clutching a carrier bag full of groceries in her hand. He gently pries it from her hand, throwing her now free arm around his shoulders so he can half carry her to her room. She feels light - too light - and he tuts. He needs to start making her eat more balanced meals so she’ll gain some weight and maybe start feeling better than she has been. He sees the way she looks at herself in the mirror when he helps her to put the laundry away. She doesn’t pinch at her skin or look at herself with disgust. Instead, she’ll sigh and her eyes will wander to different parts of her body. She used to be lean with a little bit of muscle. Now she’s just thin. Not anorexic or unhealthy, just thin. 

With Hamuko tucked up in bed, Shinji makes for the kitchen and begins to put away the groceries she’s picked up from the store. He notices she’s only bought the few things he asked for to make beef bowls like the ones back in Iwatodai and some bread and milk. Whilst he’s grateful that she bought the things he asked for, he still feels guilty that she didn’t think to buy anything for herself other than milk and bread. Maybe he should ask her to buy things for herself next time. He makes enough money at the cafe to buy his own food anyways, so he should encourage her to buy for herself and try to keep herself healthy. Seeing her health go downhill doesn’t make him happy and he feels like he’s letting Akihiko down. He’s worried about Hamuko and he wants to help her recover. He wants to make her smile again; genuine smiles, not the fake ones she puts on for the patrons of the cafe. 

Shinji closes the cupboards when the last of the food is put away and he takes a seat in the living room. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he switches the TV on and changes the channel just in time for another cooking show to start. He has his notepad and pen ready to go, but for some reason his focus is more on Hamuko tonight than writing down recipes and techniques. It’s been over a year since the two of them fled to Yasoinaba from Iwatodai and in that space of time he’s seen some improvements in Hamuko. She still has a way to go before she gets back to her old self, and she still has those violent nightmares at night at least once or twice a week, but he can tell that she’s not the shell she was before they came here. She jokes around sometimes now, and she’ll even laugh at his jokes from time to time. He could listen to her laugh all day. 

“Shinji?  Are you there?” 

The brunet calmly turns the TV off and re-enters Hamuko’s room. The girl looks up at him from beneath the covers and he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “What do you want?” he questions a little gruffer than he intends to. She doesn’t seem to care as she tries and fails to sit herself up. 

“Stay with me?” It’s more of a question than a request, but Shinji lets down his hair and climbs into the bed beside her. They both say nothing, only hold each other. Hamuko is icy cold against him, even while they’re both wearing clothes. He blushes when she snuggles closer to him and he gradually winds his arms around her to try and keep her warm. He catches her scent and his face darkens even more. She smells of pancakes and it reminds him of Akihiko and how he would pester the brunet to make the younger girl pancakes for breakfast. It also reminds him of the time she made im pancakes. They were fluffy and sweet and he couldn’t remember the last time someone other than her had made her pancakes that tasted so good. 

Hamuko snores gently in his arms and he doesn’t dare move. He doesn’t understand why, but he buries his nose in her hair and closes his own eyes. He feels sleepy laying with his best friend in her bed. Deciding not to fight against it, he allows himself to drift off to sleep with the brunette comfortably safe in his embrace.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing people being bitchy and catty Okay please don't hate me for my terrible writing skills thx

The naginata feels foreign in her hands, but familiar at the same time. It’s been a long time since she last used one of these weapons and it shows as she fights the shadows in the TV world with Yu and the others. She still has the instinct to dodge and block attacks, but getting the hang of attacking without overdoing it is a little trickier than she first thought it would be. Not that this stops her, of course. She still returns to the TV world with the teens whenever they want to train in there and she acts as a good backup in case things get truly dire. Much to her relief, Yu has also inherited the good instincts for battle that she had when she had Personas of her own. 

Exploring Yukiko’s castle is a good way to train after so long out of action, she thinks to herself. She gets to watch the way everyone fights and over time she begins to gain a better understanding of how she should be fighting whenever she does fight. She remembers after a week the way she would attack and how she would adjust her grip on the naginata according to how she attacks certain enemies. She even remembers the weaknesses of some of the shadows they come face to face with from two years ago (was it really that long ago now?). The team falls into an effective rhythm when they fight and Hamuko is glad to be a part of the battle once more. She feels almost whole again, but she knows there’s still something missing. 

Her Persona. 

Of all the Personas she possessed, she misses Orpheus the most. In a cliche sort of way, Orpheus was her first and would always be special to her because of that. She misses the power she used to feel when controlling her Personas in Tartarus. She and Akihiko were a formidable team; a force to be reckoned with. They would always team up from the moment he was allowed back into action after the first full moon she spent at the dorm. That had been her first ever dark hour. So much had changed in the space of two years, not all of those changes good. Now isn’t the time to think about that though. She has a job to do. 

~*~

“Welcome! May I take your orders?” She beams brightly at the housewives sat at one of the tables in the cafe. One of them looks her up and down critically, scoffing before closing the menu in her hands. The brunette pretends not to notice. She prides herself on giving good customer service and that’s what she intends on doing. 

“Coffee. Black. Two sugars,” the snooty housewife demands. Hamuko jots the order down in her little notepad then turns to the other housewife. She seems just as unimpressed and rude as the other one, but the younger girl doesn’t say anything. She merely waits patiently for the lady to place her order. She also silently prays that she makes her order quickly so she can return to the kitchen and grumble to herself about their attitudes. 

Housewife number two yawns. “Tea. Make it sweet and milky,” she drawls and waves her hand as if shooing Hamuko away. Hamuko doesn’t say anything else as she turns and walks as quickly as possible back into the kitchen whilst writing down the second order. Customers like that are the reason she doesn’t like working in this cafe sometimes, but the smiles of the patrons who are respectful and grateful to her make it worth it. She keeps that in mind as she hands the order to Shinji, retrieving the dishes he’s just cooked for another table. She can tell he wants to say something to her so she purposefully leaves with the food and approaches Yu’s table. 

Placing the beef ramen in front of Chie, she tries to keep the smile on her face. From the way the others react, she’s failing miserably. “H-here’s your order. Anything else I can do for you today?” she questions. She attempts to make herself sound cheerful and full of energy. Instead she just sounds tired. Yosuke winces at her. 

“Shouldn’t you take a break, Hamuko-chan? You don’t look very good,” the young Hanamura suggests. Hamuko takes a seat at the group’s table and drops the smile. She didn’t sleep much last night after coming back from exploring in the TV thanks to Shinji’s persistent questioning. She spends so much time in the TV instead of the cafe somedays that he’s forced to shut early and it’s started to make him suspicious of her activities. Not that it’s any of his business what she does or where she goes. She’s told him that much already but his response was to childishly tell her that it was indeed his business before ignoring her the rest of the night. Stupid Shinji. Why does he even care in the first place? It’s not like they’re even together in the first place. She’s dating- 

No-one. That’s the sad truth isn’t it? After a year apart and not a word spoken to one another, she doesn’t have the right to say that she’s dating Akihiko anymore. He’s probably moved on now anyway. Maybe he’s dating a nice college girl who enjoys boxing as much as he does. Someone who can make him smile and laugh the way he did when Hamuko was dating him. That thought hurts like a bitch so she forces herself to stop thinking about it. 

“Hamuko, who do you think the next victim will be?” 

Yu’s voice pulls her out of the dark pool of thoughts that swirl around her head and she welcomes the distraction. Humming, Hamuko tries to come up with at least an idea of who the next victim could be. If there even is one, of course. She’d like to think that no-one else will go missing or die now, but she knows that if Igor is a part of this then the end isn’t in sight yet. 

“Hey, shouldn’t you be working?” Shinji asks from behind her and she instinctively whirls round with her fist clenched in surprise. The brunet catches her wrist before the hit can connect and she can’t help but blush in embarrassment. Ever since she started entering the TV and fighting the shadows, her reflexes and instincts have started to come back to her. She hopes the older boy doesn’t notice or realise this as he releases her hand gently. There’s suspicion in his eyes and she knows he heard what Yu said to her. Crap! 

Yuiko speaks up on her behalf. “She’s just taking a break, Shinjiro-san. She’s not doing anyone any harm,” she tells him and he just sighs. There’s something in the way his eyes don’t leave Hamuko’s face that makes the brunette look away. She doesn’t like the way he watches her sometimes. It’s almost as if he’s knows she’s up to something. 

“Hamuko, when you’re done talking to our guests I want you to go home. It’s a Sunday so we may as well close early anyways.” Shinji’s words are muttered and the younger girl doesn’t have to look up at him to know that he has a very aint blush on his cheeks. He mutters like that when he blushes sometimes and she can’t help but think of it as being a little cute. She knows Akihiko would agree if he were there with her; he’d pretty much said it himself when Shinji was living at the dorm with them before he got shot by Takaya. 

Shinjiro leaves and Hamuko exhales, relieved that he didn’t question her on what the conversation was about. She runs a hand through her side swept hair and offers everyone on the table a sheepish smile. 

“I guess we should find a different headquarters, huh?” she half jokes. It eases the tension ever so slightly, but the fact Shinji heard them hangs over everyone’s heads as they discuss who the next victim might be and what their plan of action should be. The brunet could jump to any sort of conclusion after listening in, but Hamuko fears that he’ll assume she’s gotten herself involved with the sort of trouble that had gotten her killed last year. He’s good at hiding his emotions, but she knows that if he has jumped to that conclusion he’ll be worrying over her unless she convinces him otherwise. Shit, she should have been more careful! 

A few more minutes pass and still none of them are able to come up with the identity of anyone who could be the next victim of the killer. It’s frustrating, but they’re all forced to admit that they don’t have enough information to be able to make any more progress other than it could be a woman and they might be related to Ms Yamano, the first victim. Hamuko bids the teens farewell and heads home, dreading the interrogation that likely awaits her. She shoves her hands into her jeans pockets, her eyes trained on the pavement as she walks at a leisurely pace. 

Up ahead, she hears the housewives from the cafe and she tries not to listen to them. That changes, however, when she hears what they’re talking about. Or rather, who. 

“How did someone like her end up with Aragaki anyway? Isn’t she a little young for him?” the snooty one spits with jealousy seeping from her voice. She doesn’t like it when people badmouth her best friend. She stops in her tracks and eavesdrops on their conversation from a short distance away. 

“Well,” the other one starts, “I heard that she’s only with him because her previous relationship broke down. That poor boy is just being used for his money and good looks.” 

“I knew that girl was trouble. You can tell from the way she looks at people she thinks everyone is beneath her. Someone ought to tell Aragaki that she’s bad news.” 

So they’re talking about her? She doesn’t care. She couldn’t give a damn what the snotty housewives from the Northern parts of the Shopping District think of her. However, she won’t let them talk about Shinji as if he’s an idiot or some helpless sap being used for his ‘money’. Money that wasn’t even his, more like. The way he raised funds to buy the cafe… no. She isn’t going to think about that right now. She won’t think about the money he stole from them. She doesn’t have the time or energy to do so, especially when that money is the reason they even have the cafe and a roof over their heads in the first place. She’s just as guilty as him for using that money with him. 

Hamuko exhales. She approaches the housewives. “Don’t talk about Shinjiro like that,” she hisses, allowing some of her anger to slip out. They both look surprised and momentarily guilty before the smirks appear. 

“Oh honey, you and I both know full well you’re using him. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you little harlot,” the snooty one retorts. The insult neither fazes nor affects her as she stares the older woman straight in the eye. 

“If you’re so confident about that, why don’t you tell him to his face? I’m sure he’d love to hear what you think of us,” Hamuko suggests to her, voice sickeningly sweet. She plants her cafe smile on her face and even inclines her head to the side slightly, hands clasped behind her back. The housewife falters, but only for a second. Her recovery is quick.

The other one pipes up this time. “I personally don’t know what he sees in you. All I see is a sad little girl begging for attention and his money.” Hamuko quirks a brow at her. Their words don’t hurt her. She knows that everything they say is false and only spoken out of jealousy and spite. And here she was under the impression that she’s the child out of the three of them. They really need to find something better to do than slandering a 19 year old. 

“The fact you both have time to say such pathetic nonsense about people you don’t even know must say something about the way you raise your children or the way you think of each other. It’s sad, really. Maybe you should both find something better to do than bitch about a complete stranger. I hear knitting is all the rage with the old folk these days. Give it a try.” Hamuko walks away smugly, her head held high as the two housewives gape at her in astonishment. It gives the brunette a sense of satisfaction to know that she still has it in her to tear down anyone who disrespects her or her friends. Death hasn’t dampened to vicious side of her one bit and it feels damn good to let her mask of kindness and manners slip for a moment. 

She should be a bitch more often.


	6. Chapter 6

Hamuko is hiding something. 

Shinji doesn’t mind that Hamuko has secrets; he has secrets of his own and things he would rather not have the world know. However, this secret is one that he needs to know. She keeps hanging around with those kids when just a couple of weeks ago she was doing anything possible to ensure that she never came face to face with them. This sudden u-turn in her behaviour and the fact she’s so secretive about where she goes all the time are enough to make him suspicious and concerned about what she’s up to. She comes home exhausted and bruised the way she did when she had her Personas and she makes a conscious effort to hide her belongings if she thinks he’s going to enter her room. He’s seen her hiding things under the bed and the wardrobe but he doesn’t look. He hasn’t been able to bring himself to invade her privacy like that. 

Not until today, that is. He’s currently in her room looking for anything that could suggest she’s maybe found a new boyfriend or that she’s part of the dating scene again. It has been over a year since she left Akihiko behind so maybe she’s trying to get over him. It would explain why she seems a little happier now and more like her old self compared to the empty shell from the past year. Her eyes have got that spark back in them and her smiles are slowly becoming more genuine and heartfelt. However, Shinjiro can’t find any signs of a new relationship or any sort of romance other than the photos she keeps in her bedside drawer of herself and Akihiko. Pictures of them eating at Wild Duck Burger and Hagakure, Akihiko training, even a photo of him kissing her cheek as she laughs happily. He feels a little stupid for thinking she’s dating someone else in secret. 

Shinji lifts the side of the duvet to look under the bed and his brows furrow in confusion. He reaches under the bed, grabbing onto some sort of pole, and he pulls back a naginata similar to the one she had back when they were part of SEES. This one has subtle differences, the red ribbon tied at the top being one of them. It seems to be well used and looked after, but that can’t be right. Hamuko doesn’t have a Persona anymore and the dark hour is gone. Why would she even need this weapon when they’re miles away from Tatsumi Port Island and the dark hour is no more? Where would she even train with this? 

Placing the weapon on the mattress, he roots around under the bed more and begins to pull out bandages and medical supplies. These too look similar to what they used to use back when they were fighting the shadows in Tartarus. He doesn’t like the implications but he has to be rational and logical. Making the assumptions will do nothing for him in the long run so he looks around more for proof of what she’s really doing. The wardrobe seems like a good spot, so he opens it up and proceeds to rummage through the belongings at the bottom. There are more medical supplies and some random pieces of paper that catch his eye. He reads the one he’s currently holding in his hand, scanning through it quickly in case Hamuko returns early from hanging out with Yu and his friends. 

'What they have in common: 

-All female? (Kanji doesn’t fit this pattern) 

-All linked to first victim~ Konishi found body, Yamano stayed at Amagi Inn, Yamano bought scarf from Tatsumi Textiles 

-All appeared on TV 

-All linked to Inaba'

The brunet doesn’t get it at first. It takes him a minute or so and another read through for him to realise it’s a list of what the people who have been murdered or gone missing recently have in common. He knows this is important and he folds it up before shoving it in his pocket for later. There are other lists in here too. Fighting techniques, how to defend herself, weaknesses of the shadows, a brief description of Yukiko’s castle - whatever that is - and some random comments on something called the midnight channel. 

The last one definitely has his attention. There have been rumours about a channel that appears on a rainy night at twelve o’clock. Supposedly, it shows you who your soulmate is if you stare into the screen of a TV that’s turned off. He’s never bothered to investigate it and he doesn’t really care to either. It’s all a load of nonsense anyway; just some rubbish school kids gossip about. However, there’s some more written at the bottom of the page and he continues to read. 

'The midnight channel shows the next victim before they are thrown into the TV world. The image at first is unclear and hazy which means the victim has not yet entered the TV world. When the image becomes clear, this means the next victim has been thrown in. The victim will die if they are not rescued before the fog disappears from the TV world and appears in the real world. It’s highly likely that this is what killed Yamano and Konishi, meaning whoever threw them in surely intended to kill them. The way to save a victim who is thrown into the TV world is to make them accept and face their other self - their shadow.'

Shinjiro re-reads the last line again. He reads it over and over, hoping that somehow he’s misread it. That can’t be right. He must be reading it wrong. Hamuko can’t be fighting shadows again. She’s not stupid enough to put her in a life-threatening situation like that again - that was why they’d left Iwatodai in the first place. 

'If the victim is able to accept their other self, the shadow becomes a Persona that represents the owner’s strength of heart needed to face oneself.'

Persona… 

It all starts to come together. The naginata, the medical supplies, the exhaustion. Those four teenagers are Persona users and, somehow, they’ve gotten her involved in whatever shit they’re up to. She’s allowing herself to be put in danger and he doesn’t know why. He can’t understand why she’s doing this to him. He can’t lose her again. He can’t let her die because of her need to fight and keep everyone safe. Her heart will get her killed again and he feels angry and protective of her. As soon as he sees those kids, he’ll corner them and he’ll tell them to stop involving Hamuko in their business. He should throw away all of her notes and her weapon and the pills and bandages. He should make her stay with him and he’ll never let her walk into the arms of death ever again. He was too weak to protect her and save her from fate last time; he won’t make that mistake again. 

Shinjiro picks up his phone and dials Hamuko’s number. He presses the call button. It goes straight to voicemail. He tries again. Voicemail. He keeps trying but it gets him nowhere. He’s worrying now but he tries to stay calm for his best friend’s sake. He knows where those kids will be right now, so he just needs to find them and then he’ll find her. He doesn’t quite understand why he wants to protect her so strongly, but he can figure it out later when Hamuko is home and safe. 

He shrugs into his burgundy overcoat and hurries briefly to his room. He doesn’t hesitate as he opens up his own bedside drawer and pulls out the evoker. It hasn’t been used in so long that he wonders if it’ll even work, but he has a hunch it will. If the papers the brunette has written are anything to go by, he may not even need to use it in the TV world. There’s no mention of needing an evoker over there but he’s taking his just in case. He also has his old axe in a guitar case. The axe isn’t in the best condition, but it’ll do for while he’s over there looking for Hamuko and those annoying teenagers. 

After returning to Hamuko’s room to take some of her medical supplies, he leaves for Junes. They hang around there so often that the entrance to the TV world they use must be there. Junes has its own electronics department and he knows that, if they want to be undetected, they’d need a quick entrance into the TV world which means a big TV to get as many people in at once as they can. He knows that they’ll be there now too because it’s after school and the pattern always seems to be that Hamuko disappears with them to Junes when school’s out. With what he knows of their routine and his deductions of where the entrance to the TV world is, he’s positive that he can get in and find everyone before it’s too late. 

However, when he gets to Junes he’s surprised to see that everyone is just standing around in the electronics department. That’s how it looks when he sees them from a distance, but as he gets closer with his axe concealed in a guitar case and his evoker hidden in his coat he realises that something is wrong. They’re panicking in hushed tones and not everyone is there. The four of them are wearing glasses and Shinjiro can see the bruises and cuts that they all have. 

There’s only four of them. 

Four of them. 

Four. 

Hamuko isn’t with them. 

“-leave her over there! She could get killed! We need to go back and find her!” Chie hisses with desperation at Yu and Shinji’s heart plummets into his stomach. His fists are clenched and he wants to throw up because he doesn’t want it to be true. He doesn’t want Hamuko to be left over there Persona-less with the shadows, unable to fight against them and protect herself. The others have turned to face him now and he feels his blood boil. If he loses her again, it’ll be their fault. He’ll kill them himself if they’ve left her for dead and come back to save themselves from whatever lurks over there. 

Shinjiro glares at each of them individually. The girls cower slightly and Yosuke is immediately on guard. Only Yu seems unfazed as they stare each other down.

“Where is she?” he questions in a low voice. Yu waits a moment before he answers, likely considering his next words carefully. 

“We got separated looking for Kanji,” he says. The brunet doesn’t break eye contact as the younger boy continues. “We lost track of her when the shadows showed up. We had to come back and regroup.” 

Shinji clenches his fists so hard the knuckles turn white. “You left her alone in there and unable to defend herself. What kind of friend does that to someone?” The silver-haired teen looks away momentarily, guilty. His hands are in his pockets and it’s Chie that jumps to his defence. 

“We only followed orders that Hamuko-chan gave us. She told us to return to the real world if things looked bad and that she’d come back to us when she’s done in there. She has her Persona so it’s not like she’s completely defenceless, Shinjiro-san,” she tells him and he shakes his head. It makes sense that Hamuko would do that. However, there’s one thing that strikes him as a little odd. Yu picks up on it and sighs. Shinjiro counts to five in his head.

“Tell them.” He’s calm and quiet and Yu bites his lip at the elder’s words. Shinji knows that he must have figured out already that she can’t use Personas anymore. He knew all this time and it makes Shinji want to punch him for knowingly leading her into danger while she’s at a huge disadvantage against the shadows inside the TV. The other three all have their eyes on Yu now and he has no choice but to admit the truth. 

The boy looks up once more. He says something that Shinji doesn’t expect but he listens anyway. He listens because he knows, as much as he hates to admit it, that to get Hamuko back he’ll need their help. He would rather go in alone, but if it’ll allow him to bring hamuko back then he’ll do it. 

~*~

Ringing. 

Akihiko puts down his pen and he frowns at the unfamiliar number on his phone. Unsure of who the caller is, he presses answer and holds the phone to his ear. The voice he hears on the other end surprises him for the second time in just a few weeks, but the words themselves are what catch his attention. 

“Can you come to Inaba tonight? It’s Hamuko. She’s in danger and I… need your help.” 

He doesn’t need to be asked twice. Blood is pumping through his veins as he jumps up from behind the desk in his room and he starts throwing clothes into a bag. 

“I’ll be there in a few hours. Where is she? I’ll try and get to her first,” he responds. The hesitation on Shinji’s end of the line is heavy. He understands why when his best friend speaks up again. 

“The shadow world.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday! I had no Wi-Fi as I stayed the night with my older brother to spend time with my niece and nephew. I hope this makes up for it!!

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. 

Hamuko forces herself to breathe. The shadow passes by her hiding place as she breathes silently, keeping herslef hidden as she grips her naginata with bone white knuckles. She still can’t summon a Persona and she knows she can’t kill the big shadows without one; she’ll die if she tries to. She needs Yu, Chie, Yosuke, and Yukiko to do their thing whilst she acts as backup for them. The shadow world is to dangerous for her to try and take on higher ranked shadows in her current state and she doesn’t feel like dying while she tries to make a move. She’s died once, she won’t let it happen a second time. 

Coast clear, the brunette reveals herself and makes a bee-line for the staircase that leads up to the final floor. If she can defeat Kanji’s shadow and make the boy accept his other self, she’ll surely be deserving of a Persona and she’ll be able to fight alongisde the others properly. With her experience and knowledge, she could make a formiddable ally for the team. Having a Persona would finally fill the hole that tore through her heart when she came back from the dead last year and she would finally recover fully they way she wants to. 

“Hey, who the hell are you?” 

Hamuko turns around and sees Kanji Tatsumi, the latest kidnap victim, glaring at her. His fists are clenched and he’s tense. He reminds her of the way she imagines a younger Shinjiro would be with his defensive stance and his tough exterior. However, she knows that the Kanji on the outside is different to the Kanji on the inside. His shadow is clearly a suppression of all the things about him that aren’t masculine and that he views as traits his peers wouldn’t accept about him. He wants to be loved and accepted for who he is, but he knows he won’t get that unless he changes. But he doesn’t want to change because of his crippling fear of being rejected if he changes and shows who the real him is. It saddens the brunette to see that Kanji would rather hide who he is than be proud of himself and own it. She knows he has the strength inside him, he just needs to find it within and realise that it’s okay to be himself. 

The blond boy approaches her slowly, trying to intimidate her. “Are you deaf? I asked you who the hell you are. You gonna answer or keep staring?” he growls. Hamuko just blinks. She’s not fazed by him in the slightest. 

“I’m the one who’s getting you out of here,” she resonds simply. The boy stops and quirks a brow. For a 15 year old, he’s pretty tall. His legs are long like Shinji’s too and the thought puts a vague smile on her face. 

An ominous presence looms behind Hamuko and she whips round, her naginata ready by her side. Kanji’s shadow is there, naked except for the loincloth covering his nether regions. This is something no woman should have to see. She didn’t come in here with the intention of seeing a naked teenage boy in a staemy bathhouse. The things she does for her friends. She isn’t particularly looking forward to this fight if the true form of Kanji’s shadow is just as… eccentric as this one. 

“Why the long face, honey? Why are you denying yourself? Lying to yourself and everyone else. I should be able to do what I want, right?” Shadow Kanji questions with a purr. Hamuko isn’t sure why he has a lisp. She doesn’t care enough to ask or try to figure it out. She’s more concerned about the Kanji beside her, who’s growing more and more aggravated in the presence of his shadow. 

“That… has nothing to do with it…” the real kanji is hesitating now. He can hear truth in those words. 

The shadow smirks. “Why not admit it now? I’m what you really want. Won’t you admit it?” Hamuko can feel malice starting to build and she can sense that this won’t end well. However, she can’t intervene. She can’t interrupt or try to sway things. This is Kanji’s moment to seize and accept the parts of him that he would rather hide away from the rest of the world. 

“Hell no!” Kanji’s denial is making his shadow stronger. She feels it. 

“Oh, how I hate girls!” Shadow Kanji proclaims as if the real Kanji said nothing. “They’re all arrogant and self-centred! They cry if you get angry, gossip behind your back, spread nasty lies… They look at me like some… some disgusting THING and say that I’m a weirdo… laughing at me, all the while!” There’s anger in his voice. Real anger and rage and rejection and Hamuko’s heart aches kowing that these are Kanji’s true feelings. 

His rant continues. “‘You like to sew? What a queer!’ ‘Painting is so not you.’ ‘But you’re a guy…’ ‘You don’t act like a guy…’ ‘Why aren’t you manly…?’ What does it mean to be ‘a guy’? What does it mean to be ‘manly’? Girls are so scary…” His words are striking a nerve with Kanji and he’s growing stronger the more the blond teen denies it. He’s panicking as his facade beings to slip and crumble. 

“I-I ain’t scared of ‘em!” he yells. There are running footsteps from behind them. There’s not much time to defeat this shadow now and get Kanji back to the real world. 

“Men are much better… They’d never say those awful, degrading things. Yes, I vastly prefer men…” 

“Hell with that! What makes you think you can say that shit with my face…!?” The footsteps grow closer. Hamuko cusses under her breath and grips her weapon tighter, preparing to fight for her life and the lives of those she cares about most. 

“Why… you’re me. And I’m you.” 

Kanji grits his teeth and that’s when the others arrive. 

“Kanji! Hamuko!” She recognises the voice as Yu's but she doesn’t turn around. She can’t let her eyes leave the enemy that stands before them. The blond seemingly hasn’t heard them as he yells defiantly at his other self. 

“Shut the hell up! You’re not me!” 

There’s silence for a moment and the world is still. The world slowly begins to darken as an eerie blue and black smoke emanates from Shadow Kanji and a look of triumph morphs his features. He begins to laugh and his golden eyes glow menacingly. Those words are exactly what he’s been waiting for and Hamuko doesn’t wait for him to start changing or make the first move. She darts forwards, her focus solely on her target as she swings and the shadow isn’t moving way from her and the naginata connects with- 

-thin air. 

Hamuko falls to the floor from the force of her swing and grunts, angry with herself for misjudging. There’s maniacal laughter from behind her that makes gossebumps ripple over her flesh. The blue and black smoke engulfs everyone like a tornado and when it clears Shadow kanji is replaced by a gigantic shadow. 

It’s tall and muscled, standing at least ten feet tall. The body is all hard muscle and it’s a silver-grey whilst an immense bunch of flowers replaces where the head would be. The flowers are pink and red roses and they conceal the lower half of Shadow Kanji’s previous form, which sticks out from the middle of the bunch of flowers. His arms are folded over his chest provocatively and his painted red lips arr pursed efeminitely, his cheeks a rosy red. Hamuko stares up at it from the floor and she’s frozen to the spot. This is the biggest shadow she’s seen in a long time and she finds herself unable to process it for a moment. The shadowdoesn’t even spare her a glance as Shinjiro and Akihiko charge towards- 

Shinjiro? Akihiko? 

Is she dreaming? Is she seeing things? 

“Get up, Hamuko! Before you get yourself killed again!” the older silver-haired boy shouts at her as he head in her direction. The shadow is focussing on him now and she understands wat he’s doing; creating a diversion for the others. 

The brunette jumps to her feet on instinct and Akihiko skids to a halt in front of her. The glance they exchange holds all the words they left unsaid before she left but they don’t have the time to be talking or thinking about that now. Akihiko seems to think the same way as he faces the shadow head on, his gloved fists held up in front of him as he falls into position as naturally as she remembers. Her eyes widen when she sees Shinji’s Persona, Castor, dive in to land a hit on the shadow whilst the others try using magic on it. She sees that they don’t have much of an effect on it and she grits her teeth. She and Akihiko look to one another and nod as if they’ve made a telepathic agreement. 

“I’ve been waiting for this,” he says with excitement bubbling in his tone of voice. They both wait until the shadow is knocked down and take their chance. The silver-haired boy beside her lands a heavy punch that rattles Kanji’s shadow, whilst Hamuko delivers a slash that she knows deals heeavy damage. The fight still isn’t over yet, but they have a shot. 

Eventually, overwhelmed by the constant attacks from all of its foes, the shadow disappears and the fight is over. Everyone is exhausted from the tough battle, the majority of them needing to be healed by Yukiko afterwards. Hamuko briefly scans around for Shinji and she’s about to go over to him when she sees him popping a pill in his mouth. Her heart sinks. He’s using those damn suppressents again because of her. It’s her fault that he followed her in, but she hides her guilt when he catches sight of her and smiles weakly. She tries to return the gesture, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

The tap on her shoulder reminds her that Akihiko is there and she pauses before turning her head to him. He looks wiped out too, but there’s something else in his expression too. He wants to talk to her, and she has a fairly good idea what it's about, but they can’t do it here. They need to wait until they’re out of here and they’ve gotten Kanji home safely. 

The boy in question stands over the shrunken form of his shadow. It’s returned to the form it held before and there’s still blue and black smoke billowing from it. He looks like he’s fighting an interal battle with hiimself, and Hamuko feels like she can understand why. Sometimes it’s hard to accept the parts of yourself that you would rather deny and hide away for eternity. It would certainly be easier if you could do that. You could live your life in blissful ignorance. 

“Get up,” the teen finally orders slowly. “Anyone who looks like me ain’t gonna be too weak to get up on their own.” His shadow hauls himself to his feet and the real Kanji looks to Yu for a moment. The brunette watches as Yu gives him a nod and a smile of encouragement, which seem to be exactly what he needed. 

“I ain’t scared of girls. I’m scared of rejection. Do you know how hard it is to be yourself when you’ve got all that shit going on inside you? It fucking sucks, okay? Being ridiculed for trying to be the real you. Being rejected because you’re not the manly man people expect you to be. It sucks ass man, but I think I get it now. You’re me, and I’m you.” At Kanji’s statement of acceptance, Shadow Kanji disappears and a new Persona is born. It’s huge and black with the skeletal structure showing all over its body in white. It looks powerful, almost as powerful as Castor. The Persona fades away into a tarot card that falls into Kanji’s hand and suddenly the boy is collapsing to his knees. 

Everyone rushes over to help him. Yosuke and Yu both lift him up and help to carry him to the entrance whilst everyone else follows in silence. Hamuko knows she was lucky this time that she didn’t die. If the others hadn’t turned up, she would have been up against the true form of Kanji’s shadow alone and it most certainly would have disposed her effortlessly. She feels powerless and useless once more, reminded of how defenceless and weak she is without her Persona. Yu and his friends would be fine without her if she were to decide not to keep fighting. Would they even care if she tells them she’s going to quit? After all, she’s no use to them without a Persona and Yu must be able to sense the part of her that’s missing. How many Personas does he have locked away in his head now? Would he even be affected by her absences from their trips to the TV world? She’s expendable and easily replaced. They’ll find someone new, someone better, to take her place and they’ll forget all about her. She’s useless to them and she can’t deny that. 

“I’m useless… I’m worthless… oh woe is me, I’m so fucking pitiful!” 

Hamuko and everyone else turn at the sound of her voice, but she’s not the one speaking. Her eyes widen and she shakes as she grips her naginata furiously. 

“I have no use anymore, right? I can’t even summon a Persona, I’m such a pathetic little girl. I would be better off not-existing, don’t you think?” Hamuko’s voice carries on and she shakes her head. This isn’t real, she tells herself in her head. She’s just dreaming. She’ll wake up at home in a minute, exhausted from rescuing Kanji from the TV. 

She can’t deny the reality, however, when she sees the owner of the voice sauntering forwards. Her face is twisted with emotions Hamuko knows all too well, and she can feel the shame that comes with knowing these are her feelings in shadow form. These are the feelings she’s been pushing away for more than a year now, and here they are standing right in front of her. 

Staring into her red eyes, into her very soul, is her own shadow.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day? Hopefully this'll make up for my lack of updating yesterday. I've not proofread this chapter so there may be more spelling and grammar issues than usual lol

No-one can quite believe what they’re seeing. Hamuko’s shadows is glaring at each of them individually, but her focus is mainly on the real Hamuko. The brunette is too tired to fight, but if she has to she will. She’ll fight because she can’t let her friends be taken away from her by this thing. 

“You… what do you want?” she growls out, hoping she looks braver and stronger than she feels at the moment. She knows that she can’t fool her shadow though; it knows everything about her and all the ugly parts of herself that she’s rejected since the moment she first got her Persona two years ago. Her head begins to pound as she tries to summon Orpheus to make the shadow go away. Unfortunately, he’s locked away tight and she has no way of fighting off this being that would do her and the others harm. 

Shadow Hamuko runs a hand through her hair. She looks like the Hamuko from back when she and her friends were fighting to eliminate the dark hour and Tartarus. Her uniform is just as she remembers and her hair is tied back in a tight ponytail, the clips in her hair shining in the light. Her legs are muscular; the legs of a fighter. Hamuko’s legs have softened over the course of a year and only recently did they start to firm up again. She doesn’t have the leg strength that her shadow does. She’d stand no chance against her like this. 

“I just run away from all my problems because I can’t be bothered with any of it,” Shadow Hamuko continues tauntingly. “I’m just a selfish brat who wants everyone to love her and see her as the strong leader they desire. Strength, elegance, charm, intelligence, even courage. Those are the qualities I show because the real me is just a useless child with no right to fight alongside anyone else. I ran away because I know that Akihiko sees how weak I am and he pities me. Everyone does. What a loser, huh?” 

The words hurt but Hamuko refuses to listen to anymore. “You’re wrong…. You shut the hell up, you hear me? You’re wrong!” 

“Hamuko don’t-” Yu tries to warn her, but the shadow cuts in. 

“That’s what I’m talking about. You’re trying so hard to look big and tough in front of all your friends, but you know deep down you’re just a coward. What kind of leader runs away from her boyfriend in the middle of the night just to take the easy way out? You don’t care about him. You care about only yourself, you selfish bitch!” 

“Shut up! Just shut up!” There are tears in Hamuko’s eyes. She charges forwards and holds up her naginata ready. 

“Hamuko, no! Get back, please!” Akihiko pleads from behind her, but she doesn’t slow down or stop. The shadow is so goddamn smug and she hates it. She won’t allow it to continue spouting those words from her mouth. There’s no way in hell she’ll accept that piece of scum. 

“Come on, try and fight! You’ll never beat me. You’ll never win because I’m you and I know everything about you!” Something snaps inside Hamuko and she screams with fury as she leaps, tackling her shadow to the ground and throwing aside the naginata to punch her own shadow in the face as hard as she can. It hurts her knuckles as she keeps landing punches over and over again, her throat becoming sore as she keeps yelling and screeching over and over. 

“You’re not me! YOU’RE! NOT! ME!” 

Shadow Hamuko laughs and giggles as the brunette continues her punching and shouting, blue and black smoke rising into the air. There’s a sudden wave of the smoke and the force of the power emanating from the being beneath Hamuko sends her flying backwards. She smacks into a wall and then drops to the ground like a rag doll. She’s too weak to try and get up or speak. Vision fuzzy, she tries to lift her head and can only manage to turn it so that she can make out the shapes of her friends and her shadow. She feels faint but she doesn’t want to close her eyes. She needs to stay awake so she can watch her friends and try to find the strength to get up and help them. 

Her consciousness is slipping away gradually. The edges of her vision grow dark and she musters up enough strength to reach out to her friends. They’re all fighting and they can’t see her, but still she tries to reach out. The final thing she sees before she passes out is Akihiko summoning Caesar as he battles to protect the younger teens of the group, her arm dropping to the floor uselessly. 

~*~

Akihiko doesn’t want to fight his girlfriend. This isn’t Hamuko, he has to tell himself in his mind. This is a shadow of the girl he loves, nothing else. The monster that stands before him was born from the side of herself that she keeps hidden from everyone around her. It’s a side of her that he’s seen before a couple of times in the past when she’s been vulnerable and open enough to share those parts of her. They never spoke about that side of herself in the past, but now he wishes they had as the beast before him attacks. It looks remarkably like Orpheus, he realises, and he has to wonder if this is because she already gained her Persona before coming here. 

“Crap!” Chie is knocked to the ground by a strong Agilao spell and her friend, Yukiko, immediately rushes to her side. She protects the brunette girl as another Agilao is aimed their way and it has little effect on her. Akihiko knows what he needs to do to make sure the fight doesn’t continue the way it is. He knows Orpheus’ weaknesses but he falters and hesitates when the opening he wants is finally open to him. 

Shinji grunts as he jumps in and summons Castor. He’s shaking as he brings forth his Persona, the effects of the suppressants not fully kicking in yet. He has enough in him to deliver a piercing blow to Orpheus before his Persona vanishes and he’s forced to rely on his axe. Yu and Yosuke both move in as they attack together. They deal some decent damage, but Orpheus still doesn’t fall. The older silver-haired boy is light on his feet as he dodges attacks from Hamuko’s original Persona, trying to build up the guts to attack the way he needs to. From the way he’s looking at it, one Zionga attack should do the trick. He takes a deep breath and summons Caesar again, but he can’t bring himself to attack. For whatever reason, he thinks about Hamuko and he can’t help but think that if this is truly her Persona then would it be hurting her to “kill” Orpheus? 

“Move!” 

Akihiko is shoved out of the way and he hits the ground, not expecting to be pushed like that. He looks up from his position on the ground to see Kanji call forth his own Persona, Take-Mikazuchi. He’s clearly still exhausted from before, but he still gets together the strength to get up and fight with them. 

“Zio!” he shouts as a bolt of lightning strikes Orpheus. It knocks the Persona to the ground and Shinji slashes through it with his axe, grunting from the exertion. Orpheus disappears and on the floor is Hamuko’s shadow once more. There’s no more blue and black smoke billowing out from it as it shakily climbs to its feet and looks over to the brunette. Akihiko moves over to where his girlfriend is just starting to regain consciousness and he lifts her up into his arms, carrying her back over to the shadow. 

The two identical girls gaze at each other in silence for a moment. Akihiko fears that Hamuko won’t say anything or accept her other self, but his fears are soon relieved when his girlfriend speaks up. 

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have denied you the way I did. I-I… I know that you’re part of me, but I wanted to ignore it. You’re me, and I need to accept that to be able to move on and recover properly, right?” The shadow nods with a smile before she fades away and Orpheus stands floats there once more. Hamuko’s eyes close again as her Persona transforms into a tarot card that flutters into her arms. She’s accepted the part of herself that she denied for all this time, but there’s still a long way to go before the brunette he cradles recovers properly. 

Nobody says anything for a long while. They’re all tired after fighting two big shadows in one day and no-one is quite sure what to say to one another. He doubts anyone other than himself and perhaps Shinji know that these were the feelings Hamuko had towards herself for two years. Maybe even before she came to the drm she could have been thinking those thoughts. He should have done more for her, he thinks. He should have been there, tried harder. He wonders if Shinji feels that way about him too. Maybe his best friend resents him for not doing better for someone he cares deeply about. 

“I had no idea that Hamuko…” Yukiko starts, unable to finish her sentence as she trails off at the end. She doesn’t need to finish for everyone to know what she wanted to say. Nobody really knew that Hamuko felt that way. These kids had only known Hamuko for a month or so from what Akihiko had been told when he arrived; there’s no way any of them would have the slightest clue that she felt that way. 

No. There is one of them who could have known. He just didn't say anything. 

Yu looks guilty, but he isn’t saying much. He simply suggests that they all head home and rest before meeting up when Kanji and Hamuko have recovered. Akihiko can’t help feeling that he doesn’t want the brunette involved in this anymore. However, he knows it’s not up to him. She’s 19 years old and she can make her own decisions, however poor they may be. He has to support her and stand by her regardless of whether he likes the choices she makes or not and he will because he loves her more than anything. 

Shinji and Akihiko are the last ones to leave as the young teens make their way out of the bathhouse, Kanji leaning on Yu for support. There’s an awkward silence between the two of them as they trail behind the others. 

“You haven’t stopped training since we left, have you?” Shinji comments. It’s so out of the blue that Akihiko can’t keep the smile off his face. He’s missed Shinji just as much, if not more, than he’s missed Hamuko. He’s missed having his best friend around to talk to and hang out with. They’re honest with each other, sometimes too honest, and it’s refreshing to have a friend that doesn’t bullshit him. Sure, there was a time when Shinji kept secrets from him, but he can understand why the brunet would keep those things a secret from him. 

Akihiko shifts his girlfriend in his arms. “I never stopped looking for her either. For both of you,” he replies and he’s met with a splutter from the taller boy. It shouldn’t be a surprise for him, but maybe it is. Maybe Shinji never expected his best friend to look for him too. The silver-haired boy is determined not to let them go again now that he’s found them, and he’ll stay as long as he needs to until Hamuko recovers from today’s ordeal. 

That’s a promise.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm sorry for another lack of updates! I was up til 5am throwing up Sunday night and I've still not recovered 100% now (12:30am approx Thursday for me) so I've taken a little time away from the fic to sleep off whatever I can outside of work and responsibilities. This is a shorter one, but I hope the next one will be longer!

Home is silent. The silence hangs heavily in the air and Shinjiro hates it. He’s gotten used to living with Hamuko over the past year and her being asleep for so long has made everything so silent and mundane. She’s been sleeping deeply for the past four days and Shinji wants to run in there and shake her awake. He wants to tell her to wake up and stop sleeping because he doesn’t understand why this loneliness feels uncomfortable to him anymore. Her presence makes him feel warm and happy, though he won’t admit that aloud, and he feels at ease when she’s next to him whether that’s at the cafe or just in general. He likes listening to her talk when she’s happy or enthusiastic about something, and when she’s not running off to fight she’s got energy that he admires. But with her sleeping as if she’s dead the way she is at the moment, he doesn’t get to feel or experience any of these things. 

Shinjiro doesn’t get why he wants to feel or experience these things. He was fine before when they lived at the dorm; Hamuko spent most of her time with Akihiko and she didn’t depend on him like she does now. There are the nightmares that still haunt her at night sometimes that only he’s able to get rid of. He helps her into bed when she comes home exhausted from going into the TV world. He opens up the cafe and keeps it running the best he can for her so that she has something to keep her occupied and distracted during the day. If Shinji were no longer here, Hamuko wouldn’t be able to live. Not the way she does now, anyways. Although, honestly, the way the brunette recklessly runs into everything without thinking she could end up not living. 

There’s a knock at the door and Shinji sighs. He knows who’s at the door and he’s been ignoring it each time the door has knocked since they brought Hamuko and Kanji back from inside the TV. However, he knows that this time he can’t ignore it. Considering the likelihood of who it is, ignoring them would be impossible to get away with at this point. Begrudgingly, he opens the door and Akihiko is on the doorstep. 

“Let me in.” 

The taller man steps aside, allowing the silver-haired boy in. He’s more muscled since the last time they really spoke to one another properly. He’s started to develop a small little goatee beard too with stubble along the jawline. That little bandage he would wear upon his eyebrow is still there too and, for a moment, Shinjiro could almost believe that they’re back at the dorm in Iwatodai. 

Almost. 

The brunet clears his throat. “She hasn’t woken yet,” he informs his friend. Akihiko nods and his gaze scours the living room of the little home that Hamuko and Shinji inhabit. The boy seems to be a mixture of impressed and… jealous? 

“Hamuko always wanted a small home,” the silver-haired boy states nonchalantly as he picks up a picture frame of the brunette and the group of Persona-wielding teens that she’s gotten involved with. His expression doesn’t change, but Shinji can tell he’s a little more sad rather than jealous. This is the life that Akihiko wanted to be living with Hamuko. Akihiko wanted the house and the girl and the peaceful life in the country. But yet there Shinji is, with no right to be living this life, living the future that his best friend had seen for the two of them. He’s looking longingly at the bedroom door and Shinjiro doesn’t need to ask to know that that’s his priority. His girlfriend. 

The girl that ran away. 

There are things he needs to say to Akihiko. There are so many things he left unsaid before he whisked Hamuko away in the hopes of giving her a better and normal life. He never said goodbye or properly thanked him for looking after Ken while he was in a coma. He never thanked him for convincing him to throw away those suppressants last year, even if he had started taking small doses of them again. He hadn’t even told him that he… Maybe that was better being left unsaid. There are some feelings he has for his best friend that are better off hidden so they don’t get in the way of the relationship that Akihiko wants to build up again with Hamuko. Telling him his feelings now wouldn’t help, in fact it would likely make the situation worse. Besides, he doesn’t think he can handle the rejection or the loss of their friendship. 

“Thank you for not telling the others.” That’s all Shinjiro can bring himself to say. His feelings are better left under lock and key where they can’t hurt anyone or ruin lives or relationships or friendships. Besides, it’s the past. He has to tell himself it’s the past so he can forget those emotions are even there. 

Shinji remembers the first time he got a crush on Akihiko. He’s not sure when it started, but he knows he realised he had one on his best friend when he first joined SEES. He admired the way the silver-haired boy would seemingly dance around the shadows as he fired punches and hooks that could tear an enemy apart. He loved watching him train too when they’d go out hunting down any shadows that wandered outside of Tartarus. It was when Akihiko first got hurt by a shadow that Shinji beat the crap out of it with his axe. He was out of control and unruly but he didn’t care because someone hurt his Akihiko, his best friend, the only true family he ever had other than Miki. It was confusing figuring those feelings out after, but he heard the way girls in class would talk about their own crushes and the feelings they described were so similar to his own that how could it not be a crush? 

Thinking back, the brunet remembers he kept his feelings hidden then too. Not long after that, the accident where he killed Ken’s mother happened. He buried his feelings for Akihiko deep down and he ran away. He avoided going to school so he wouldn’t see his best friend or Mitsuru and they wouldn’t try and convince him to come back. There were nights sometimes where Castor would try to suffocate him and throw him around and the one thing that kept Shinjiro going was knowing that one day he might be able to face Akihiko again. As a friend. 

“Tch, stupid,” he mutters to himself, chastising. Those feelings and memories are the past, he reminds himself. He’s no longer the fucked up kid doping himself up on suppressants anymore. He doesn’t have the addiction clinging to him like a leech anymore. He feels the itch sometimes; the itch of needing another hit. If he took the right dosage, the pills would make him feel lighter and more relaxed than before. He could smile, then, because Castor would be kept under his control and he would have no worries until the effects wore off. It was risky, trying to get a hit, because it could result in overdosing and dying in the back alleys. However, he didn’t care. He needed his Persona under his command and he needed that release. 

He doesn’t need that anymore. 

“Why here?” 

Akihiko’s words nearly startle the taller boy. He’d forgotten briefly that his best friend was even here. Pulling his ponytail loose, he wraps the hair bobble around his right wrist and throws himself down on the sofa. He waits for the silver-haired boy to take the hint and sit on the other sofa before he turns his head to look at him. 

“You mean why I brought her here right?” Shinji waits for the nod of the head. “It’s cheap enough to live here, and there was a cafe up for sale. Figured I might as well take whatever I needed and buy the place so we could escape. Was Mitsuru pissed?” 

“You… came because of a cafe?” the silver-haired boy questions incredulously. The brunet waits for it to sink in. He’s left the hint and Akihiko isn’t dumb. He should figure it out for himself. It’s not too hard if he actually thinks about-

“That was you?” 

The look on his face isn’t calm like Shinji thought it might be. It’s not angry either, though, which is the other reaction he was expecting. Instead, he looks disappointed. His eyes are averted and his shoulders are slumped. Maybe disappointment is what he should have been expecting. 

“It was for her. You remember how she was before we left; she was like a zombie. Seeing you guys all having fun and talking about your Personas and celebrating the end of Nyx was hurting her, especially when she died and lost what she felt made her belong in the group. I couldn’t let her keep hurting like that,” he explains. He feels his cheeks tint pink slightly in embarrassment, even though he isn’t ashamed. So what if he stole money and the car from Kirijo group? He would do it a thousand times more if it made Hamuko better and brought a smile to her face. 

There’s a pause before the smaller boy chuckles and shakes his head. “She has us both wrapped around her little finger, huh?” There’s a vague smile on Akihiko’s lips as he finally looks back up at Shinji once more. There’s a knowing look in his grey eyes and the brunet doesn’t get it. He hates it when the other boy gets cryptic like that. What does he think he is, a riddle solver? Besides, he’s not wrapped around anyone’s finger. He doesn’t get what it means to be wrapped around their finger, but whatever it is he knows it’s not him. 

“Shut up,” he tuts and it makes the other boy laugh. It’s not quite like old times, but it’s a start. 

Maybe Akihiko being there is a good thing.


	10. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a very short chapter. The reason behind this is simple: a) I'm still feeling crap after being sick and b) I'm a little busy atm getting ready for my nephews birthday party in Saturday. I won't be updating tomorrow or Saturday night because of the party, but I hope to get something up on Sunday it the earliest.

Hamuko wakes up and she’s confused. Not because she’s still fully dressed or because there’s nobody else here. She’s not even in her own room, and it’s that that’s got her confused. Instead of her bedroom, she’s standing at the beginning of a hallway with multiple corridors and steps and doors everywhere. Each door is blue with a golden doorknob and there are no walls here. The corridors are more like paths that wind everywhere in all directions; above her, below her, around her, criss-crossing in front and behind her. There are stairs in different places that connect other paths and it looks like a labyrinth that goes on infinitely. 

“I did not expect you to return here, Hamuko.” She turns to the sound of Theo’s voice and she smiles, a little relieved. She isn’t alone, it seems. She bows a little as a polite gesture and her smile grows when Theo returns the gesture. Always the gentleman; that’s Theodore. The two of them stand up straight once more and the brunette briefly looks around again. 

“Is this the Velvet Room? It’s changed a lot since I last was here,” she asks as she tries to figure out what brought on such a drastic change. The Velvet Room attendant has a troubled look on his face as he tears his eyes away from her. He doesn’t know, but she remembers the last time they spent time together alone. Words had been exchanged and things were said in the moment that Theo didn’t mean. Hamuko knows that he didn’t ‘love’ her the way he seemed to think he did; it was infatuation and confusion at being close to the first human he’s ever been in contact with. She  knows it’s possible he could still harbour some of that confusion, but she’s not interested in that right now. She needs to know where she really is and why she’s here instead of in the real world. 

The brunette hums as she tries to figure out how to go about this. Should she open each door and look inside to get a better idea of what this Velvet Room is, or should she ask Theo to explain it all while leading her out of there. She needs to go home, after all. Shinji and Yu and her friends are waiting for her. And Akihiko is there too. He came to Inaba for her, she knows he did. Even now, she feels the pull in her chest wanting to draw her closer to him. She wants to return to his arms where she was before she passed out and ended up here. God, she’s missed Akihiko’s arms. They felt muscly too - he’s been working out since she ran away. She’s pretty sure she saw stubble on his chin too. She does quite like stubble. 

“You’re thinking about your beloved at home, correct?” Theo inquires with an amused chuckle. Hamuko looks up at him as he moves to stand beside her. He’s smiling and it’s a genuine smile, not a fake one hiding jealousy or sadness. He’s truly happy that she’s got someone she loves in the real world, and that in itself makes her happy too. 

Hamuko tucks a hair behind her ear. “He’s at home waiting for me. I’ve missed him while I’ve been away,” she tells him and the white-haired man’s smile falters, dropping slightly. She’s said something wrong, but what? 

“You mean Akihiko Sanada, yes? I’m talking about the young man you ran to Inaba with-” 

“Theodore? Do we have a guest?” 

The conversation is cut short and Hamuko wants to know what Theo means. Her boyfriend is Akihiko, not another guy. She loves Akihiko from the bottom of the heart and there’s no doubt about that in her mind. The silver-haired boy holds her heart and her soul and she should never have left him. 

And yet… if she thinks about Shinji… 

“Hamuko has just appeared from the real world. I believe this may be what the master warned us of when master Yu signed the contract,” Theodore tells the tall, slender woman that approaches them. Her white-grey hair is pulled up into a high ponytail and she wears what appears to be a luxurious blue coat that could be a dress. Her tights are black and her high-heeled pumps are a shade of blue that matches her coat dress. Rings adorn said coat and a belt is strapped across her midsection. She looks, for lack of a better word, beautiful. But then, so does Theodore and likely any other Velvet Room attendants that exist. 

The beautiful lady gives her an elegant smile. “So you have come to pay us a visit? What is it that brings you here, young lady?” she quizzes and Hamuko feels like she looks far too informal. She wants to tidy herself and make herself look as presentable and flawless as the older woman does. 

Hamuko clears her throat. “I didn’t exactly… intend to come here…” Theodore intervenes at the right moment, leaving the brunette feeling relieved as she releases an inaudible sigh of relief. 

“Margaret, perhaps we should take her to see the master. He will give her more insight than we could as to why she might be here,” he suggests. The two of them share a look momentarily before the lady, Margaret, turns her attention back to Hamuko. She smiles once more before making to leave. 

“Very well. We will leave this in the hands of our master, then. He may explain why Hamuko is now a Persona user again after he sealed her Personas away from her.”


End file.
